Updated: Jan 5, 2022
How many times did you find yourself (once again) off the path of your new year resolution? You're perhaps already doubting yourself if you'll stick to it this time. The best strategy I teach and guild my clients into is to create an internal ecology for thriving and to bring in sexual and sensual pleasure to fill the process with feminine radiance, confidence and play.
When we set a true ambitious resolution, we are stretching our nervous system, evoking the primal brain (aka fight, flight, freeze and fawn) to take over and bring us back to “safety” and what’s “familiar” (aka the size of your fears, conditionings and past trauma take over and win). This is when you get swept by everything around you, held by the fears and blocks inside you, losing motivation, energy, consistency and confidence in your success. You start pushing and "should"ing yourself, but nothing seems to work. And at the end of the day, you judge yourself for not being more “feminine”/”masculine” in your approach and feeling frustrated for not being further ahead. However, when you set what I call Pleasure-Based Ambitious Resolutions, you center pleasure, self-love, and luscious sensual self-care, you will soothe the nervous system along the way allowing you to expand your nervous system capacity into your resolution and biggest dreams (aka the size of your dreams grows, flourishes and wins!).
A new year can feel like - for a sweet moment in time - a magical moment where EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE…and anything could happen. There's an openness, wildness and a wave of strength and hope.
But this year, instead of what past years have been, you desire to anchor into the possibilities, build momentum, revel in this magic, turn it into pleasure instead of pressure, and up-level the ways you show up to yourself, your life, your business/career and your purpose here on earth. So you've set your audacious goal, now what?
Practicing decolonized manifesting has revolutionized how I set goals and guide my clients into achieving their wildest dreams.
Decolonized manifesting and creating an internal ecology for thriving also includes examining your inner child, familial, societal dynamics or systems of oppression you’ve internalized. Examples: people of your gender/race/ability don't belong at the top/your industry, you’re too emotional, you’re too young/old to desire that, you need to adopt more masculine ways to achieve our goals, you’ll be abandoned or alone if you succeed, you’ll be too much to handle, you don't have value to offer, you’re not worthy of success, happiness, or your desires, or you’re afraid of the women-taking up-too-much-space police will come to silence you and shrink you back to smallness. After you journal and explore what you deeply desire to have and experience in your 2022, here are some of the questions I share with my Unleash Yourself 2022 & Beyond community to explore the blocks between them and their desires:
What do I think inside of me holds me back from realizing all those dreams, desires and goals? (Listen to your constant negative thoughts and judgments about yourself that you keep repeating to yourself)
Why do I think these dreams are not for me? (Think social conditioning, patriarchy, racism and other forms of systemic oppression...)
Do I have a core underlying belief/s? (the pattern that governs when you look at all the pa)
I don’t belong. I’m a failure.
I’m a burden. I’m not valuable.
I’m alone./I’m on my own. I’m not enough.
There is something wrong with me. People always abandon me.
Life/people aren't safe. I’m not safe.
I’m not worthy (of happiness, love, abundance, relationships… etc).
Who inside of me believes that about me? (Think inner child, family dynamics, broken heart after a relationship... etc. Or internalized beliefs because of systematic oppression, discriminations… etc.
How does it feel in my body to believe that thought?
Is this thought %100 true? 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?
List three reasons why it’s not true:
Go back and reframe the thoughts & believes into a new more empowering one.
Who would I be if I believed this new empowering story? How do I show up to my life?
In my private 1:1 coaching and group programs, I guide my clients into somatic healing, embodied tools & modalities; and while those are profoundly transformative, mindset remains to be a powerful tool. As you uncovered some mindset blocks. from the past journaling prompts, my invitation to you is to combine your mindset work with pleasure. When you activate your primal brain in sensual or sexual pleasure and repeat your affirmations around your resolution, you reprogram your nervous system into a new state of bliss, confidence and power to take aligned action.
Here are some of my personal favourite affirmations that my clients love:
“It’s safe for me to desire this ambitious resolution.”
“It’s safe for me to take action towards my goal.”
"Luscious opportunities present themselves to me."
"I choose to put myself in spaces and around people who are going to expand me."
"I prioritize my pleasure & self-care while I expand into my biggest goals and dreams"
"I'm always building a case for my success. I celebrate all my wins; the tiny & the mighty"
“It’s safe for me to achieve and have this ambitious resolution”
“I belong amongst the high achievers”
“I trust myself to know what I need to do”
"I have spaciousness in my life."
“I am worthy of my desires”
"I have Purpose, will, direction and a sense of inevitability"
"All that is possible is possible for me".
The last piece of advice I'll leave you with is to DO IT IN COMMUNITY and/or hire a coach. You're probably mistaken when you think you lack motivation, perseverance, and discipline, but what you actually lack is support, loving accountability, and inspiring people in your community that continue to challenge and expand you. Lastly my dear, please know that you are already worthy of what you desire. You are so deserving of all that life has to offer. You're worth it, you don't have to do anything to earn it. You are inherently loveable, you are love itself! Nothing to be fixed or changed about you. You're not broken, less than, or incapable. This process works by honouring and integrating all parts of you. It works by giving your emotions and experiences dignity by simply acknowledging them, welcoming them, rather than going at war with yourself and trying to yank your body to where your head says you should go. It works by learning to trust the wisdom of your body. It works by loving all parts of you.
I believe that we have all the wisdom from within. I believe that connecting to your body, to your answers within, and to make life YOURS is possible for you. Please leave a comment of what resonated, ask questions, like and share with someone who might need this ✨